It's Been a While

 It has been several months since I last blogged.  In early October I had a bit of a breakdown.  After mom died, I was so excited for her.  I knew she was in Heaven and no longer suffering and it made me so happy for her.  Watching her suffer, at the end specifically, was heartbreaking for me.   It consumed my mind those final weeks before the end.  When she passed away, I thought of little else but "Thank you, God!", because I knew she was ok then.   But, the joy in her homegoing doesn't make up for the fact that I missed her.   I didn't want to feel the sadness of her loss though, so to keep myself from feeling that, I decided to keep myself busy.  And, not just busy, but barely-catch-your-breath busy.  You can only do that for so long before it catches up with you.  At least, that's what I've discovered.  One night the kids were all talking over each other, pulling me in 10 different directions, I lost it.  I dove straight into a really awful, 2-day long, vomit-inducing panic/anxiety attack.  I was a disaster. Everything I had been bottling up inside came out.   To make a long story short, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety attacks since. I've started taking anti-depressants and had a couple counseling sessions with my pastor.  I'm taking anti-anxiety pills when I feel the need to as well.  It seems to be helping a little, though some days I'm ok and others, not so much.   I'm trying to learn to cut back on the things I've been doing too, since "busyness" is one of the things I've used to keep myself from feeling the yucky stuff.  One of those things I gave up was this blog.  I just needed a break from all the things I was able to take a break from, ya know?  Well, I've been having a good couple of weeks recently, so I thought it might be important to start blogging again in this new year.  It's something I've always enjoyed, because it gives me a forum to talk about my life and the life of my family.  So, I hope to do a better job this year of keeping up on it, though I have a feeling I may still only blog on occasion and not weekly (or more) like I used to. To start, I thought I'd post all the pictures of things we've done since I stopped blogging in late Sept.  I'm not going to post about each picture.  Instead, I'll just give them a heading, so you know in what context they all fall.  Hope you enjoy catching up our family and what we've been up to.  And, if you are so inclined, I would really covet your prayers as I try and find a way to manage these new feelings and find a way, a healthy way, to deal with the loss of my mom.  I know she wouldn't want me to feel these things - in fact, she's come to me in a couple dreams recently to remind me of her joy in Heaven - so, hopefully I'll find a way to let go of the guilt and sadness I'm feeling and focus entirely on the happiness and wholeness she's feeling now that she's with her Savior.  Anyway, here you go!  The last 4 months...in a nutshell:

CHEERLEADING BAKE SALE:

This was the first time Madie was able to be there and participate in this Bake Sale.  She was really excited to be there, especially since this is her last year cheering before heading off to high school.

SCARECROW FEST:

This was a hot, but fun day together.  We always love Scarecrow Fest!

MEDIEVAL TIMES:

We always pick something special to do the day before our JDRF Walk and this is what we chose this year.  We all had an AMAZING time!!

JDRF WALK 2014:

Another great year and we raised several hundred dollars for JDRF research!

PUMPKIN PATCH:

Our annual tradition with our cousins. :-)

YOUTH KICK-OFF EVENT:

We went to Chaser's Laser Tag place in Naperville and had the BEST time!!  The kids and I have never done laser tag and it was awesome!  Would love to do it again sometime. :-)

 HALLOWEEN PARADE/PARTY:

Livie was the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.  Her costume was a hit!

HALLOWEEN:

Can't believe I got Pete to dress up with me.  We went trick-or-treating with our friends, the Burkeys and some of their extended family.  It was a frigid night, but tons of fun!

ILMEA MUSIC CONCERT:

Madie tried out and was picked to be part of this Northern IL divisional choir.  She spent the whole day at Augustina College over by IA.  It was awesome and she did a great job!

OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD:

Our 4th or 5th year collecting shoeboxes in our Sunday School classes.  

CHRISTMAS CONCERTS:

Madie and Noah had their Jr. High concert and did a great job in both band and choir.  Livie had her concert the following week and did a great job singing her heart out as well.

LIVIE'S BIRTHDAY:

My little girl celebrated her 9th birthday with a "Pancakes and Pajamas" theme.  Only 2 of her friends could come (the hazards of having a Christmas birthday), but they had a great time!

BASKETBALL TOURNEY:

Noah finished up the basketball season with a couple of great games in a weekend tourney.  They lost the first game, but ended up being the overall winners of the consolation rounds.  It was a really fun year and he had a great time.