The Last Day

Wednesday, after everything was over, we woke up to coffee and donuts from Dunkin' Donuts, graciously provided by my cousins Karen and Amy.  They got that for us, so we could enjoy them while we sat around and read the cards from the Memory Tree we created.

The kids took turns taking them off and reading them.  We adults did too, once we realized how slowly the kids were doing it! ;-)

The grandkids had all done one too.  This was Livie's.  It said "Nana Love" and had a picture of her holding balloons.

Dad read some and could tell us who the person was if we didn't recognize the name.  Many, many people wrote down how much they enjoyed seeing mom's smile.  Even when she was at her sickest, she would still try and smile and giggle if dad said something funny.  He even mentioned that, the last two days, when she was basically unconscious, that's when it was the hardest for him, because he couldn't make her laugh anymore.  He couldn't see her smile.

So, there we were, in our pjs, reminiscing with others about all the great things that mom had done and had brought to other people.

I think it was good for us to hear and VERY good for the kids to hear.  You have to remember that they never knew her before her strokes.  Madie and Noah remember when she could still walk with a cane.  But, Livie, Kendalyn, and Avery never knew her when she could still walk.  It was nice for them to hear from people what their nana was like before she got sick.

Pete took this picture of Avery.  Isn't she just the cutest thing with those curls?!

He also took this picture of Dad with his buddy Sherm.  We had a Sherm-like stuffed dog on mom's coffin during the visitation and funeral.  She kept that with her at the nursing home. :-)

Just another picture Pete took of our sweet niece Kendalyn. :-)

Here are just a few of our favorite cards and the memories that were on them.

So many kind words about our mom and I'm so glad people shared those with us.  Em hopes to put them all in a book for dad to keep.

Right after we finished with the tree, we had to say goodbye to our cousins, who were ready to head home after a long day of driving the night before.  As we were saying goodbye, dad asked me if I was going to clean his room that day before I left.  Now, we've been wanting to clean out his room ever since mom moved to the nursing home 3 years ago!  When he said that, I jumped at the chance!  Em joined me and after 4-5 hours of cleaning, we got it looking good again.  We cleaned out all of mom's clothes from the dresser and closet.  Dad said he had no emotional attachment to them.  We left her jewelry box and special trinkets and such.  But, we took the sickness out...if that makes sense.  It hadn't been cleaned since before mom's last stroke, like 5-6 years before.  It just felt like a sick room to me.  Like you could still feel the presence of her disabilities and dementia.  I don't know why it felt like that to me, but it did.  After dusting, sweeping, mopping and such, it felt clean of all that.  

Pete and Jeff had been golfing, so as their payback to us for being the kind wives that we are, we made them take all the bags of clothes to the thrift shop and all the trash to the dumpster.  We spared them the stairs though, by throwing the bags over the balcony. :-)  In all, we got rid of 11 bags of mom's clothes and 5 bags of trash.

We let the kids each pick a figurine of mom's to remember their nana by.  Now they each have a little part of her with them.  We set some aside for Micah's kids too, so they too can have a little something of their grandma's.

The week last week was a busy one.  It was full of joy, yet sadness.  It was full of family and faith.  I was so thankful that we were able to celebrate my mom in this way.  That after 15 yrs of being disabled, she was honored for her strength, her courage, and her love.  Now, it's time for us to process the loss and continue celebrating her life through our actions as her children and grandchildren.  Hopefully we'll make her proud. :-)

The Funeral

The funeral came on Tuesday morning.  We were allowed to come at 9am as a family, so we had an hour to be with her before the service began.  When we arrived, however, there were already people there.  They started coming early and they started coming in fast. 

I took this picture of my kids, because they were all dressed up and looked super-cute.  Photographic evidence of how nice they look when they want to.  I could take a picture of them right now and totally ruin this image (I believe Noah is still in his bathrobe from last night and it's 6pm), but I'll try and preserve this one in your minds instead. :-)

I decided to take pictures of each of our families, because we so rarely get the chance to get family pictures.  And, I also thought it was a great way to capture the legacy that mom left behind.  This is Em and her family looking beautiful that morning.

Here we are looking very short compared to Pete.  I really HAVE to start insisting we take pictures of ourselves sitting down!  As my kids get taller, I start to look more ridiculous!

Here is Micah and his beautiful family too.  So much for mom to be proud of.  Nine wonderful grandchildren, three really great kids (I hear the oldest one is the best of the three). ;-)  And, three amazing in-law children that were such supporters of their spouses these past few days.

We had even more friends from RC show up, which was really fun.  I've been singling out the RC crowd, because it's been 20 yrs since we were at that church.  They all live 2 hours away and yet, that time and distance didn't stop some of them from joining us and, to me, that speaks volumes as to the impact that both mom and dad made on the people there.  It's also the people I knew growing up, so much of my childhood is tied up in these people.  It meant a lot to see so many come.

Now those that know Pete, know that kids flock to the guy.  There are times when he would prefer that they don't flock to him, but he just naturally draws them to him.  He once had Noah in time-out at church and next thing he knew, 10 kids were sitting there with him.  It's always been a funny thing to us.  Well, sure enough, while people were coming in for the funeral, the kids didn't spread out at all, but all sat in the row with Pete.  Cutest thing ever!

Having the kids there, especially the youngest ones, brought more joy into the room that day, as well as the day before.  Avery sat on the floor, waiting for things to begin, and read her book.  Such a cutie!

They brought in more chairs to make room for the gathering crowd.  Realizing how many people were touched by her was a beautiful thing to see.  There wasn't a seat not taken that morning.

We started a little late, because we were waiting for my cousins, Aunt Phyl's kids, to arrive.  They live in Lancaster, which is a good 12 hours from here.  Karen had outpatient surgery on Monday, but still decided to come with her sister Amy.  As soon as she was released, they hopped in the car and drove all night to get to the funeral.  Wow.  I mean, seriously.  WOW.  They got there just 5 min late, totally thanks to the very confused Garmin, and we began.  John, the former youth pastor at GFBC, came and spoke at the beginning of the service.  He said some fun and kind things about her.  It was so good to have him there.

My dad told us in the days leading up to mom's death, that he was going to deliver her service.  I think we were all a little like "What?!".  I think even the words "Are you crazy?!" came into play.  But, his dad did it for his mom and he wanted to do it too.  He said it was what he needed to do to honor his wife.  I prayed for him that morning (and several times leading up to the funeral actually) that he would get through it without breaking.  He really wanted to do a good job.  And, let me tell you.  He did.  He spoke of her and their life together.  He told several funny stories, some poignant ones too.  But, mostly he spoke about her relationship with Christ and God's saving grace.  I know she would've been proud of him.  We certainly were.

Amy got up and read the email that Aunt Phyl had sent about mom.  It was so sweet and touching.  I can't imagine losing my sister.  She too is my best friend.  Amy did a great job reading it that morning and I was glad she, and ultimately Phyl, were able to be part of the service that way.

One of the funniest things of the service was the music.  Dad had us sing two songs, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" (mom's favorite) and "Softly and Tenderly".  The CD they used for us to sing with was the funeral home's and OH. MY. LAWN was it awful!  It was like slower than slow and we could barely sing to it.  It just made us laugh as we did. :-)  During one of the songs, Kendalyn went up and sat on Papa's lap.  It was so sweet and I know it made his morning.  All of the grandkids did a great job of supporting their papa that morning.

After the service was over, and people stood up and shared their memories, the line of people went through and we gave each of them hugs.  We were given just a short time to talk as a family and we were able to get this quick photo with Karen and Amy.  I swear, every time we are with are cousins, we have the best time.  No matter the circumstances, there are always lots of laughs and joy!  We were so thrilled to have them join us!

Dad had asked Caleb and Noah to be Junior Pallbearers, so they held their Papa's hand and lead the coffin to the waiting hearse.  Pete, Jeff, and Micah were pall bearers, as well as three dear men from church.

The wind had really picked up and was blowing pretty hard, but they stayed steady on their feet and carried mom's body out.

I was so proud of Noah.  Caleb too.  Just three months apart in age and both so different in their handling of their Nana's death.  But both were so dedicated to doing what they were called upon to do that morning.

They loaded her up and we began our drive to Violett Cemetery for the burial.

The day was a cloudy and windy one.  Much different than the sweltering heat of the sunny day before.  The clouds reflected our mood a bit that day.  A bit quieter, a bit more subdued.  It was to be our final goodbye.

The crowd gathered and we waited until all the cars pulled in.

The little girls played by the tombstones, not really understanding the significance of what we were there for.

The men carried mom to her final resting place.

On the way over, dad asked his friend Pastor Tim to lead this part of the service.  He did a great job too, especially on such short notice!  Always there was laughter, even at this part, though the laughter was quieter, softer.

Mason had picked out a bouquet of flowers for the grandkids to place on her coffin.  He picked out the most colorful flowers he could find.  Vibrant, like her.

They climbed up to place them on her casket.

Saying their goodbyes.

We hugged and stood around as we prepared to leave.

This was the last time we would be that close to her body again.

The marker, and later the tombstone, is all that will remain to remind us of where she lies.  But, like I said on FB last night, "I'd say "Rest in Peace", mom, but I know you're not resting. You'll celebrating, with pure joy, the wholeness of your new life in Heaven with Jesus. So, don't rest. Live it up! And, enjoy your life eternally with Him. We'll see you again."  We will see her again and what lies beneath that marker is just the shell.  Her spirit is now with her Savior.  The One she loved so greatly during her earthly life. Just to think of the joy she is experiencing right now is enough to make all the tears go away.  Finally she is at peace and she is HOME.

We went back to the funeral home quickly, Em and I, so we could pick up the memory tree and take it back to the church for the funeral dinner.  The ladies had been cooking there since 8am and I thought they might like to add to the tree themselves.  The girls decided to model with the tree for me. :-)

Dad sat with his friend Paul and Paul's wife.  They had driven out from Runnemede, where dad grew up, to be there for mom's services.  He has just been out to Goshen the week before, visiting his daughter.  But, when he heard that mom had passed away, he and his wife drove right back.  Such kindness!

Dad's sister and some of her family were there.  Those are two of her beautiful grandchildren on the end.

We all spread out as a family and sat in different areas.  Talking to all the people that came.

Pete's sister and brother and their families came up for the funeral.  Again, such kindness!

I took this picture of dad, Paul, and his wife (I can't remember her name and feel terrible about it!).  Great friends after all these years.

Here we are with Pete's sister and her family and Pete's brother and his daughter Allyssa.  Adam, Jill's husband, told me that it was the best funeral he had ever been too.  He said dad did a great job.  I had to agree. :-)

We went back to the house and spent time laughing and chatting and reminiscing, while dad napped.  It was the end of two beautiful days of celebration for the life mom had and now has in Heaven.  We were moved by the many, many people that came out to honor her.  A shorter life than some, but a life well lived and much loved, and now eternally God's.  

The Visitation

I decided to take pictures of mom's visitation and funeral, because of one person in particular - my Aunt Phyl.  She's my mom's sister and the dearest person I know.  She was unable to leave Haiti and come to mom's services, so I decided to make a photo book, so to speak, of the two days we spent honoring my mom, her sister.  I hope that others that were unable to come, but wanted to share in this time of remembering, will enjoy seeing what a wonderful time of celebration we had on Monday and Tuesday.  It wasn't about the sadness of her life ending, but the great joy in recognizing her life is now eternally God's.  I start with her visitation last Monday...

To say I was a bit nervous was probably an understatement.  Those who know me, know I'm not good with funerals.  I don't handle them well.  I get overly emotional very quickly and I get embarrassed by that.  Add to that that it's my MOM that I'll be seeing in that casket and, well, let's just say there were a few trips to the bathroom that morning.  Hey.  Just being honest. :-)  Dad, Micah, and I went over at 1pm, when the doors opened for the family.  We had stuff to set up and time to see her without the bustle of people.  Em was getting her hair done, so she joined us later.  She purposefully set it up, so she'd have, and I quote, "Cuter hair than me.".  Punk.

Mom was in a very long room.  So, we could see her at the end, but I wasn't quite brave enough to charge down there at first.  So, Micah and I spent time arranging the Memory Tree I created as our guest book, and added the many pictures we had framed the day before.  That gave dad time alone with her at the front of the room.

We had more pictures than the table allowed, so we put some here and some on another table.  We had a pictures ranging from the time she was just one until two weeks before she passed away.  I remember looking at them when I set them up and realized that this was her life in a nutshell.  A little smiling curly blonde baby, learning to walk, to a frail, ill grandmother with sassy pink nail polish, holding the hand of her youngest grandchild.  I thought about her hopes and dreams that that little girl must've had and wondered if they came true.  Her strokes weren't in her plan.  Her dying at 65 wasn't in her plan.  But, if you look beyond that, you see a life of laughter and faith, family and love that filled the pages of her life.

We placed a few more pictures on the table outside of the room where she was, near the mints that became Avery's favorite part of the day.  Here we had the handprints of her grandchildren, a picture of her family just after I was born, her college graduation picture, and the last picture of our little family, taken just last Thanksgiving.

We also created this collage board, showcasing many moments in her life over the years.

I was slowly making my way to the casket, taking my time, easing myself into seeing her.  Dad had already come back to let me know that she looked really good, but I needed to test those waters myself.  Micah spent time at the casket, looking at her.  Again, I took my time.  Dad even stood by me, throwing quarters, to see if he could coax me up there sooner. ;-)  Made me laugh.  Just the first of many times I would laugh, and laugh a lot, at her services. I finally made my way up and saw her.  She looked so good.  She looked healthy again.  Thin, but healthy.  But, most of all, at peace.  If you've read earlier posts, you'll know that there wasn't a lot of peace the last weeks of her life.  But there she was, an empty body, finally at rest.

I had had the grandkids write cards to put on the tree before we came.  Kendalyn, Avery, and Jeff were the first of our family to arrive (remember Em was still getting her hair to look better than mine).  They hadn't filled in their cards yet, so they sat and did that, while enjoying the first of many mints that day.  I think, in total, Avery had about 37 of them before the day ended. :-)

They hung them on the tree and got it ready for our first guests.  All the guests that came that day were to write their names on a card and hang it on the tree.  We even encouraged them to write a favorite memory or how they knew mom on the back.  We read all the cards this morning together over donuts and coffee.  But, more on that later.

When Kendalyn and Avery arrived, Kendalyn said, "Where's Nana?".  Jeff and Dad quietly took them up front and showed them Nana's body.  Kendalyn later told her cousin Emma that Nana wasn't asleep.  That this body was empty and she had a new body in Heaven.  She's 4.  Even 4 yr olds know the joys of Heaven. :-)

Our friend, Mom's friend, Karen Pletcher made this amazing, no sorry, AH-MAZING floral display for her casket.  She, ladies and gentlemen, made this in like an hour.  Seriously.

Shortly after Kendalyn and Avery arrived, Pete and the kids and Cara and the kids came.  I had to take this picture of Pete, because, quite frankly, he looked GOOD!  What a handsome guy I married!

We took our families in one at a time.  Madie and Livie got a little emotional, but handled seeing their nana pretty well.  All along this journey of hospice, we've shared with the kids what was happening and what would happen.  Noah even came out with me to see her and saw how sick she really was.  They understood that her passing away wasn't a sad thing.  It was a wonderful thing, because she left that broken body behind, and like Kendalyn said, had a NEW body.  A living, whole, healthy body in Heaven, where she would experience eternal life with Jesus.  So, though there were some tears, there was much happiness as well.

We left, so Micah could go in with his family.  While they were in there saying their goodbyes, we took this picture of Papa/Dad.

And, we took this sweet picture of Madie with Emma, my brother's youngest.

People started arriving a little before 2 and we were greeted first by people from Royal Center.  Royal Center, for those who don't know, is the little town I grew up in.  It was dad and mom's first church together as Pastor and pastor's wife.  We were there from 1977 until 1993.  I grew up with them and they were and are our family.  It was great seeing everyone that came up from there.  That, even after 20 yrs, they would make the trek up to see us and say goodbye to mom was the sweetest thing.

The afternoon visitation was a steady stream of people, giving hugs and spending time together laughing and looking at pictures.  We shared stories, we showed off our new tattoos.  It was great.  Em had joined us by now and enjoyed letting everyone see how awesome her hair was... especially compared to mine. ;-)

At the front, we had donations of flowers and monetary donations to JDRF, which was so sweet and wonderful.  We even got gifts of blankets and this beautiful weeping cherry tree.  So, it can be planted and forever remind us of her.

Photographic proof of Em's awesome hair...and visitors.  Kind, wonderful visitors with lots to share and love to give.

Now to understand our family is to know that we handle everything with humor.  And, we have no pretense in our family.  We say it and do it without forethought to how it looks.  We just go with it.  So, about an hour in, after walking and talking, we kicked off our shoes by mom's casket and let ourselves enjoy the time with our friends and family.

Kendalyn took that opportunity to try on all our shoes and try and walk around in them.  Boy, is she cute!

Pete's parents came and paid their respects.  They knew what this journey was like for me, so it was so sweet of them to take time and come up to see us.  They later joined us for lunch.

Janet, one of our dearest friends from RC (that's Royal Center, if you didn't catch that) came.  We were so excited to have her come and join us.  We talked about all the great memories our families shared.  We spent every Christmas, every Easter, and lots of days in between, with her, her parents, and the rest of her family.  We told her to come upstairs and join us for lunch too, so we could continue our rememberings.  Two of the best stories?  Our getting lice and infecting their house - good times!  And, me driving by her house to catch a glimpse of her hot husband mowing the lawn in his boxers. ;-)  I love this family!

Dad's church saw to it that we lacked for nothing in the food department.  They had a room upstairs at the funeral home, where our kids spent most of their time during the funeral.  The church had set up an entire buffet of lunch stuff for us, so we didn't have to run home during our hour-long break.  We just had to go upstairs, chow down, and head back downstairs.  They even cleaned up everything for us too!  Those Brethren are good people!

More rememberings with Janet!  She's fabulous.

The kids ate, then ran off, chasing spooky "pickle" eyes and ghosts in the other hallways of the funeral home.  There was no quiet time or solemnness with the Drexler crew around! ;-)

We don't get to see my brother's family very often, since they live in NH.  So, when these boys get together, they have the best time ever!

There were all these ramps leading out of the room, so they were running up and down them.  We managed to catch them all at one point and take a picture of all the grandkids in order from oldest to youngest.  Quite the legacy mom left behind, don't you think?!

A rare moment of calm - notice the bare feet. ;-)

And, a more regular moment of craziness!  Again - no shoes. :-)

Before the evening crowd came, we took this picture of the remaining Drexler Five.  And, yes, Em STILL has better hair than me!

Pete and Cara took the kids home, so we could stay for the evening visitation with no interruptions.  So, they took their time to say goodbye to Nana before heading back to dad's house.  Madie told Nana to "Say Hi to Jesus" and also to let him know that "Morpheus (from the Matrix movies) was in a magazine in the lobby", though she didn't think Jesus cared much about that. ;-)

The evening crowd was MUCH larger and was a line out the door the entire two hours.  Dad, Em, and Jeff stood at the front while Micah and I walked around in the back, chatting with people as they made their way up front.  My friends and neighbors the Burkeys, from our little town out here, came.  I couldn't believe it when they walked in.  It so deeply touched me that they would drive the 3 hours just to support me like that, that was enough to make me burst into tears.  I actually hid to compose myself before walking around the corner to greet them.  I never for a million years expected to see anyone from home.  What amazing people I have in my life!

We got to see our dear friend Darlene from RC, as well as Diane and Paula.  We laughed so much!  Probably more than is appropriate for a funeral, but it was a fun, joyful atmosphere!  How could we be sad knowing how loved she was.  How perfect she was in Heaven now?  You just can't be sad when you think of her joy.

My dad's sister Judi drove up, as well as her son, my cousin, Phil.  We chatted with them and again, laughed a lot.  Can you tell there was a theme going that night?! ;-)

Judi's daughter Becky (also my cousin) was the last to arrive.  She brought her kids and yes, once again, we laughed.  Dad later went out to dinner with them all, while we went home, rested our weary, achy bodies, and enjoyed some time talking about this amazing celebration of life we had just had for mom.

If you scroll back up to the top, you'll see the memory tree that just 6 hours earlier had just a handful of cards on it.  By the end of the visitation, there were so many cards, that Jeff had piled some up on the pot so the branches wouldn't break!  So cool!

Micah decided to walk home from the funeral home, so we, in our weariness, joined him.  We decided to take a visitation selfie.  That's normal, right?  I must say, we are not an overly affectionate family.  We don't hug a lot or declare our ending love for each other all the time (or ever), but we are so joined as brother and sisters.  We had and have always had, in our adult years, the best relationships.  Having each other for support through this has been awesome.  I can't imagine not having that and getting through this with anything less.  My dad has been equally supportive - well, maybe not with the tattoo - and just as amazing through this whole thing.  If mom's journey this past 15 yrs, especially the last 3, has done anything, it has drawn us closer together as a family that loves to joke with each other, mock each other, and yes, make our hair better than others.  What a joyous day of celebrating this day turned out to be and I didn't have to visit the bathroom once when it was over. :-)