Preparations

I went back to IN today for another day trip.  These 6 hour round trips are exhausting!  But after the unsettling visit I had with mom last Friday, I wanted to get out to see her again.  I'm certainly glad I did too, because she was much *better today.  I quantify the word "better" by saying she's still very unwell, but not panicked last time.  But, I'll get to that in a second.

As it is for any impending funeral, there are lots of arrangements to be made.  I finished her obituary today with the help of Aunt Phyl and dad. I think it will really give anyone who reads it a true sense of who she was.  I'll hope to share that with you all in a future post.

Today, I helped my sister make the funeral arrangements and look at tombstones.   There is something cathartic about making preparations.  I felt like I was finally able to take some action in helping with mom.  It's not always easy being in another state.  So much falls on my dad and my sister and I often feel like I can't be there when they need me.  So, I was very happy to help with things today, even if it wasn't for a very fun reason.  Em had gone earlier to the, I don't even know what to call it.  The Tombstone Store?  She looked at the tombstones and found one that she thought would be nice for mom and dad (we're getting them a joint one).  She took me out to check them out.  There were rows and rows of all different kinds and colors.  I really liked the one she chose and so did dad.  She's going to get prices from one other place, before we decide what to do there.

Then I went with her to the funeral home.  She had scheduled an appointment for today and I was glad to once again be a part of that planning process.  We looked at caskets, helped fill out the information for the funeral director, made plans for personal touches she and I will be making for the memorial table.  We made lots of decisions today!   This picture is of Em looking at the price sheet once everything was added up.  We were in sticker shock, I must say, but we're happy to know she's going to have a very special, beautiful service.  Em and dad are going tomorrow to look for plots.  Dad picked a cemetery that many other people from his church are buried at.  As someone from church said, "She'll be in good company there.". :-)

After we finished there, dad texted me to let me know that he wasn't going to join us for lunch, because mom (he was there with her during this) was agitated.  So, I told him I would come right over.  He asked me to bring her a chocolate shake.  When I got there, she was actually pretty calm.  She seemed happy to see me.  She was able to take 4-5 bites of the shake without any choking, which was a HUGE improvement since the last time I was there.  Her breathing was fine and she seemed fairly relaxed.  The nurse came in just moments after I got there with more morphine and medication that helps get rid of the secretions she has in her throat.  Dad fed her and we joked around a bit, which periodically brought a smile to her face and some giggles.  When she's sitting there with you, she just is laying there with these wide-eyed stares.  She doesn't really look like herself.  But, when she smiles, you get that glimpse of her again.  I like that dad can make her smile. :-)

I asked her how she was doing and if she was feeling ok today.  She shook her head no.  I rubbed her legs and told her about the girls' recital (I still need to post about that!!).  I talked to her about school with the kids and I told her how glad I was to see her again.  She seemed like she wanted to tell us something, but wasn't able to get the words out.  She's done the same with both Micah and Emily.  I wish she was able to verbalize those things that are swirling through her mind.

The hospice nurse came in and we spoke with her.  She's so kind and gentle with mom.  I could tell, after we had been there about an hour, that she was fighting sleep.  Her eyes were closing so slowly, but every time her eyes would start closing, she would open them up wide again, as if she didn't want to miss spending time with us.  I told her I would be there again on Saturday, so I was going to leave and let her rest.   So, I gave her a hug and told her I loved her and I would see her again soon.  She seems to be in a state of decline, but a slow one.  At least she's comfortable now and not struggling.  I was so worried and overwhelmed about our last visit.  I did not want to see her under so much duress the rest of her short life.  Seeing her calmer and pain-free helped me tremendously today.  I have so much more peace and actually made it the whole day without crying!  Yay, me!  I hope she continues to be comfortable during her final days.  We have no idea how many days she has left, so we just continue to pray for God's great mercy in taking her home and a peaceful transition from this life to her next.