Tattoo

Over the next day or two, I hope to blog about the past five days.  It was busy, but so full of blessings!  But, to give you the whole story, I will start at the beginning, which was Saturday, when both Micah and I arrived in Goshen.  We had decided, prior to mom's death, that we wanted to get memorial tattoos.  This is something I planned on getting when I turned 40 this year, but when Em asked if I wanted to do it with her and Micah as a memorial to mom, I didn't even hesitate.  I was in!

Now, my sister had two tattoos already and my brother had one, so this wasn't new to them.  To ME, however, it was a newbie.  We walked into the tattoo place (parlor?) for our 8pm appointment and I was definitely a fish out of water.  I felt like I didn't belong there.  I mean, I'm WAY too dorky to pull off a tattoo, right?!  Especially when surrounded by people that are covered from head to toe in both art and piercings.  But, I wasn't about to let my dorkiness interfere with our night together.  

I decided to go first.  Partly to get the suspense over with and partly to not have to see my sister and brother in pain and freak myself out in the process!  You'll see that was a very wise decision on my part here in a second.  Our tattoo artist was Ryan and he was very laid back and nice.  You can see he's got a lot of art himself! :-)

Surprisingly it wasn't a really painful process.  Sure.  It hurt at times, but nothing like I expected it was going to be.  We all got the same design, which is this celtic symbol that means "Mother and Child".  I got mine on my neck.  My brother and sister got theirs on their ankles.  I clearly made the better choice.... on the pain scale anyway.

My sister, about 2 seconds into her tat (yes, I'm cool enough to abbreviate it now), wasn't sure if she was going to make it.  She sat there with her eyes closed, not talking, the entire time.  The pain, as she described it, was easier than childbirth! ;-)  We tried laughing and joking around with her, but she wasn't having any part of that.

In fact, I saw her mouth a few words that I won't post here during the most intense parts of the tattoo.  It turned out great though and she was able to get it shaded and everything!

My brother got the same one, only bigger, also on his ankle.  This progression of photos crack me up too.  You'll see he's realizing that it's hurting.  And, as Ryan moves down his ankle....

...the pain gets so bad, that Micah is literally ready to punch him in the face! hahaha  We laughed and had the best time.  Even the guy next to us was laughing. :-)

Apparently, it felt like the needle was going into his ankle bone.  I was never more happy that I choose a different place on my body than I was during his tattoo!  But, like all of ours, his turned out great!

After the emotions of the last 3 weeks, waiting for mom's final days on earth to end, this night of laughter (and pain!) were so refreshing and needed.  Now, though, I am HOOKED!  I am SO ready for my next tattoo! :-)

HOME

At 5:40 (my time) my mom entered the gates of Heaven with a whole, unbroken, healed body and mind, and got to meet her Savior.  During her final days, before she was unable to wake up, Em asked her if she was excited to go to Heaven.  She nodded.  She was ready.  She feared the process of death.  Who wouldn't.  It wasn't always peaceful for her in those last weeks.  But, she had no hesitation about her final destination.  She knew she was going to Heaven.  She knew that she was going to be in the place where there was no more suffering and pain.  The picture above was the last picture we took as a family - the "original" family.  It's just a couple months before she started to get sicker.  I will cherish that memory.  It was filled with laughter and joy.

I picture her running through Heaven.  She wasn't able to run for 15 yrs.  I picture her sitting and talking to Jesus.  She wasn't able to talk for 3 yrs.  I imagine the joyous reunions with her mom, dad, and brother, who have been long passed. I picture her getting to meet her grandson Lincoln.  The only one of us that has had the opportunity to do that, since he passed away before he was born.  What joy she must be experiencing.  What unending, overwhelming JOY.

When Em called me this morning to tell me, I didn't cry at first.  I knew it was coming.  I knew it was only a matter of time.  But, about 10 minutes into our conversation, my head stopped it's logical thinking and planning and my heart opened up and I realized where she was.  I just blurted out in my coming tears, "She's in Heaven!"  Like I just realized the significance of where she was right then as we spoke.  HEAVEN.  It still brings me to tears as I think about it.  I cried when I told the kids.  Livie cried along with me.  This is the first death that any of them are old enough to have experienced.  Madie was sad.  Noah was sad too.  Yet, both said, "She's all better now.  She's in Heaven."  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for gifting us with an eternal home with you, as your children.

Mom has been a good and faithful servant - though definitely sassy at times.  She has always loved God.  No matter what she's been faced with, her love for her Savior never wavered.  And, today and forever she will rejoice in His presence.  Hallelujah!  Amen.

More Last Day Fun

After I posted this morning, I came up with an epic idea!  Instead of just going to the ice cream shop, why not make this last day of school adventure one for the record books by having a Nerf Gun Battle Royale!  But, first, I want to tell you what a great morning Noah had!  He was one of only three students that completed a thing called "Study Island" at school.  Normally there is a big luau party for all the kids that finished it.  Madie has even done it in the past.  But, this year, there were only three kids that did, so the teacher decided to take them out for breakfast...in a LIMO!

 How cool would it be to be a 5th grader and get to leave school and ride a limo on top of that?!  He was SOOOOO excited!

The other two girls were from the 3rd grade class. :-)

Of course, within seconds of getting in there, he discovered how to hook up his Ipod....  

And, played it the 5 min drive to the diner.  He said he tried to convince the teachers to open the sun roof and let him stick his head out and scream, but I think they were much happier just letting him enjoy the Ipod. ;-)

They went to the local diner, that happens to be owned by Noah's very good friend Nick's family.

Check out that awesome limo!!  Noah said they were gone until 10, then he had to fight to not die a slow death of boredom the last hour and a half of school.  Good grief!

While they were at school, I decided shortly after I posted this morning to make this Nerf gun battle.  I quickly showered and got ready, then went to our local market for juice, water bottles, and lots of snacks.  I even asked if I could have a few boxes and they happily agreed to give me some.   I went home and started setting up the course.  I took the boxes and made "outposts".  I cut windows in them - some with flaps, others without - so they could hide behind them and shoot people.  When I was finished, I had an hour and a half before I had to pick them up, so I decided to run to Walmart (20 min away) and buy each of the kids I babysit, nerf guns for the battle.  I knew I didn't have a lot of time, but I hurried and picked up 4 guns, 2 dart grenades, and 150 rounds of ammo!  I did say it was going to be EPIC!  Oh, and I got another box there, so that I had a total of 2 team bases and 6 outposts when all was said and done.

I kept it a surprise until 2 hours after school got out.  I had all the curtains drawn and only let Noah and Madie, the team captains, in on the secret.

Noah, Trenton, and Weston were on one team.

Madie, Livie, Caleb, and Tobias were on the other team.  The battles were on!

You can kind of see all the outposts in this picture and how they used them.  You can only see the one base camp in the background.  The other one was right to the right of this picture.

They would hide underneath them or behind them and use them as shields.  It was hilarious to watch!  I'm sure all of our neighbors got quite a show.  We had several different rounds of battles, each with a new set of rules.  The whole thing lasted 2 hours!

Here's Dead Body Livie.  She took the darts and threw them around for affect.  She wanted me to add ketchup to her to look like blood, but I refused.  You'll have to use your imagination for that one. ;-)

They took Tobias out in this picture with a shot to the back as he was headed to base camp.

Dead Body Madie, their team captain.  It was a hard loss for the team.

We had a few rules at the beginning, that kept changing for each round, like I said.  It started off with each person having to refuel their "hearts" after they were shot 5 times.  They refueled or replenished their hearts by eating a snack or having something to drink to bring back their strength.  If they ate an apple, they recovered faster than if they had a cookie. ;-)  They were getting hot though, so we took breaks and that would bring the end to each round.  They ate and drank me out of nearly everything I had!  This was their refueling station.

Here Caleb and Madie are coming up with a strategy.   Madie was good about getting her team to figure out what plan they were going to use.  Noah just had his team attack with full force.  The planning was good, but the attack mode was the best, because they won every round!

You can see here how they would surround the opposing team members and attack.  It was so much fun!

Here's Madie at an outpost.  If they were at an outpost, they were safe, unless the opposing team threw a grenade at them.  Then they had up to 5 sec to evacuate.  By the last round, the grenade would detonate on impact.

Just another look at the battlefield. :-)

During the last round, if you were shot just once, you died and you had to lay there like a dead body and not get to replenish your hearts.  Caleb was the last on his team that was standing.  When they finally got him, he, with his final breath, tried to take out the other team with his grenade.  What a valiant warrior!

Our heroic challengers lived to fight on.  They had the best time and it was a great way to end this year of school. :-)

Last Day Of School

Today is the last day of school this year and the kids are soooo ready to start the summer!  They have just a half day in front of them, which is different than in all the years past.  They usually would go into school for about 5 min to pick up their report cards, but state laws changed that - losers.  So, no annual donut shop visit for us today.  We'll head to the ice cream shop instead. :-)

After today I will have an 8th grader, a 6th grader, and a 3rd grader.  It's hard to even TYPE 8th grader.  How can my Madie possibly be that old?!  I'm still such a young pup myself, that I can't have a teenager.  I did asked yesterday if Em and I were twins.  She's only 33, so that means the girl must've thought I was in my early 30s, right?  Of course.

This is also my final day babysitting the neighbor boys.  Since I will be working full days next fall on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Madie will have to watch the kids until I get home from work.  So, I can't continue with the babysitting.  They will still continue to be great friends though and will join each other in our backyards every chance they get. :-)  So, here's to the last day - extended for a full week due to our awful winter!  Let summer begin!

Preparations

I went back to IN today for another day trip.  These 6 hour round trips are exhausting!  But after the unsettling visit I had with mom last Friday, I wanted to get out to see her again.  I'm certainly glad I did too, because she was much *better today.  I quantify the word "better" by saying she's still very unwell, but not panicked last time.  But, I'll get to that in a second.

As it is for any impending funeral, there are lots of arrangements to be made.  I finished her obituary today with the help of Aunt Phyl and dad. I think it will really give anyone who reads it a true sense of who she was.  I'll hope to share that with you all in a future post.

Today, I helped my sister make the funeral arrangements and look at tombstones.   There is something cathartic about making preparations.  I felt like I was finally able to take some action in helping with mom.  It's not always easy being in another state.  So much falls on my dad and my sister and I often feel like I can't be there when they need me.  So, I was very happy to help with things today, even if it wasn't for a very fun reason.  Em had gone earlier to the, I don't even know what to call it.  The Tombstone Store?  She looked at the tombstones and found one that she thought would be nice for mom and dad (we're getting them a joint one).  She took me out to check them out.  There were rows and rows of all different kinds and colors.  I really liked the one she chose and so did dad.  She's going to get prices from one other place, before we decide what to do there.

Then I went with her to the funeral home.  She had scheduled an appointment for today and I was glad to once again be a part of that planning process.  We looked at caskets, helped fill out the information for the funeral director, made plans for personal touches she and I will be making for the memorial table.  We made lots of decisions today!   This picture is of Em looking at the price sheet once everything was added up.  We were in sticker shock, I must say, but we're happy to know she's going to have a very special, beautiful service.  Em and dad are going tomorrow to look for plots.  Dad picked a cemetery that many other people from his church are buried at.  As someone from church said, "She'll be in good company there.". :-)

After we finished there, dad texted me to let me know that he wasn't going to join us for lunch, because mom (he was there with her during this) was agitated.  So, I told him I would come right over.  He asked me to bring her a chocolate shake.  When I got there, she was actually pretty calm.  She seemed happy to see me.  She was able to take 4-5 bites of the shake without any choking, which was a HUGE improvement since the last time I was there.  Her breathing was fine and she seemed fairly relaxed.  The nurse came in just moments after I got there with more morphine and medication that helps get rid of the secretions she has in her throat.  Dad fed her and we joked around a bit, which periodically brought a smile to her face and some giggles.  When she's sitting there with you, she just is laying there with these wide-eyed stares.  She doesn't really look like herself.  But, when she smiles, you get that glimpse of her again.  I like that dad can make her smile. :-)

I asked her how she was doing and if she was feeling ok today.  She shook her head no.  I rubbed her legs and told her about the girls' recital (I still need to post about that!!).  I talked to her about school with the kids and I told her how glad I was to see her again.  She seemed like she wanted to tell us something, but wasn't able to get the words out.  She's done the same with both Micah and Emily.  I wish she was able to verbalize those things that are swirling through her mind.

The hospice nurse came in and we spoke with her.  She's so kind and gentle with mom.  I could tell, after we had been there about an hour, that she was fighting sleep.  Her eyes were closing so slowly, but every time her eyes would start closing, she would open them up wide again, as if she didn't want to miss spending time with us.  I told her I would be there again on Saturday, so I was going to leave and let her rest.   So, I gave her a hug and told her I loved her and I would see her again soon.  She seems to be in a state of decline, but a slow one.  At least she's comfortable now and not struggling.  I was so worried and overwhelmed about our last visit.  I did not want to see her under so much duress the rest of her short life.  Seeing her calmer and pain-free helped me tremendously today.  I have so much more peace and actually made it the whole day without crying!  Yay, me!  I hope she continues to be comfortable during her final days.  We have no idea how many days she has left, so we just continue to pray for God's great mercy in taking her home and a peaceful transition from this life to her next.

Short Update

My brother drove out from NH on Friday night, arriving in IN around 3pm on Saturday, because he was afraid that she wasn't going to make it if he waited until Sat night like he had planned.  She was doing so poorly on Friday when we saw her.  This is what he posted on FB about his time with mom

**This last Friday I decided to go back to Indiana to see my mom one last time. She has been sick for some time now and has gotten worse in the last few weeks. Before I decided to go out I thought my last visit with her at Thanksgiving was good enough for me. For a week I felt this pull that I needed to go see her. Then I finally realized that it was HER that needed to see me. She needed to say"Goodbye" to her son. When I got their on Saturday she didn't seem herself. So on Sunday morning I visited her while my dad was in church. I brought her outside and we sat and enjoyed a beautiful light breeze and wonderful sunshine. I sang to her songs that talked about Heaven. We cried together and I told her not to be afraid and that I loved her very much. There was a moment when I was crying that she started to rub my hand and then my cheek trying to comfort me. Even though she was going thru such a hard time she was comforting me, her son! That is the kind of mother she is. I am going to miss her so much. I do have comfort knowing that I will see her again. A place where there will be no pain, no sorrow, no suffering. She will be free. I love you mom and I will miss you so much. Thank you for comforting me when I needed it the most. I will always remember those precious last moments we had together.

This was a much different visit than I had with her on Friday and it made me smile through my tears.  I continue to pray for mercy and peace as she continues through her final days.  I want her to have more moments like that and less like those I experienced with her on Friday, where she was choking, hungry, and panicked.

I dreamt last night that she passed away and, when she did, she smiled a smile of relief. I'm hanging on to that image as we continue to watch and pray for her life to end.  I'm just going to imagine, even if it's not a physical reality that I will see, that smile she will have when she gets to see her Savior's face for the first time.  Can you imagine the glory of it?  This journey continues...